i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
