yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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