he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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