I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
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