he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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