you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
