i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
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I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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