she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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