why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
