I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
We need to rekindle our bromance
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
