She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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