I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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