can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
