don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
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