that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
