Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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