Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
it's like iHOP with fire
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
A+ Viking dick
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