Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
