Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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