She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
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