tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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