hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
