Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
