I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
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Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
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I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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