youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
