i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
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