I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
