Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
