i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
