and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
