he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
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