i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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