I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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