come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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