Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
