everyone is single if you try hard enough
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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