so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
