I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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