I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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