He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize