When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
should my penis look like a turkey
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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