I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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