Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
