I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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