so that wasnt chicken after all
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
