im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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