You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
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