dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
We had to coat check the pizza.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
