I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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