remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
