as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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