some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
