It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
