A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
