I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
