So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
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Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The feeling are messing with the penis
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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