The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
