I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
