i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
