I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
It's never too late to be topless.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
