dude i'm inner monologue high
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
