The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm bleeding and have questions
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize