Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
