You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
being pregnant is like rehab
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
